...Barely tolerable, I daresay...

Oh dear, I think I really over did it today.  I had the best of intentions to not overwork my hands, but ended up hurting everything!  My legs and arms were shaking by the time I was done and I was huffing and puffing.    Way outta shape!  (Yes, I need to get back to the gym.)  I started pulling the stupid weeds out of the ground, but had to give up on that pretty quick.  Even though I watered the ground so they'd come out easier, they still didn't want to move.  I don't know what they are, but they're huge and wiry and so strong I think you could weave rope out of them. 

I really should learn to not bite off more than I can chew and then beat myself up for not finishing.  Instead of shutting down when I was all over-fatigued in arms and legs, I kept on and attacked the salt ceder that I've been trying to kill for 10 years.  It just won't die!  I've used a whole bottle of Roundup, stump killer, vine and brush killer and most other things you can imagine.  Kill one limb with one of the aforementioned items, and another limb will start somewhere else.  On researching salt cedars, it would appear they are quite a pest and incredibly hard to kill.  Apparently we have to saw it down to ground level and then pour roundup over the stump.  I'd prolly add stump killer and vine and brush killer to the mix just to be sure...

I'll bet I'm going to be awful sore tomorrow.  Not looking forward to that, I can tell ya!  It's a half day at work tomorrow afternoon with a PT appt in the morning. 

We had group session with horses yesterday and it was hit or miss for me.  I think I misunderstood some stuff we were expected to do.  Not sure if it was my misunderstanding or their lack of explanation.  To sum up, I pissed the horse off and nearly got kicked.  We were supposed to communicate our intentions to the horse that we wanted her to move around the ring.  It showed me that I try to push too hard when trying to get things accomplished and my intent isn't necessarily obvious to everyone.  What I saw as the horse not moving more than maybe 10% around the ring, everyone else saw 90% or more.  What I saw as total failure and feeling bad about the horse being mad, the others saw as complete success and me pushing for more than I had to.  (And the horse being run a few laps around the ring as a discipline for not acting w/manners around a human)

All the time of my dad pushing for me to always to be perfect.  Do it right.  Do it his way.  Don't fuck up.  Don't be stupid.  I still beat myself up and hear his voice and judgmental attitude in my head.  I'm completely hyper self-critical and have the hardest time re-wording things so they aren't critical of myself and others.  Especially myself.  I think it took me 5 minutes to think of a way to say I was successful yesterday w/out saying something sarcastic or playing down the success.